I honestly don't know what to title this post. See, on the one hand, I want to complain, but on the other hand, I really can't.
You see, I haven't made the money I have wanted to, but I haven't run out of food, and I won't get tossed out on my ear any time soon, even though my rent is late right now. I don't see a way to get to Fort Lauderdale for the baseball tryouts just yet, but the Lord confirmed through Sunday's message that that is what He wants me to do. So then it has become His problem, not mine. And, actually, I've never seen a problem God couldn't handle.
Truly what has been frustrating for me is not something I would normally complain about: divine appointments. You see, everyday I get divine appointments. I met Loretta and her daughter (who goes to the Rock), I handed out about 800 tracts, I have had numerous other God-provided conversations with sinners on their way to Hell, including Mo and an older man this very morning, all in the last week. But I have had no divine appointments that netted me any sales. I have gotten very angry with God, asking, "Why can't you do this for the money I need to pay my rent?" His response? Silence.
I guess this is His way of reminding me of what His priorities really are. I always thought that they were my priorities, too, but this past week has made me reevaluate. I honestly think that this is the hardest trial of my life to date. And yet, today, I have a breakthrough of sorts: I have three appointments for this week, two for one job, one for another (yeah, I picked up a second). It remains to be seen if they close, and what they close for.
But also today, I went into the office of a temp agency to apply. And they have no openings right now. (Ouch) I wasn't the only person there. Discouraged, I was walking back towards my place, and I got frustrated that I was not going to be able to cross the street fast enough to catch the bus to the library. Once traffic cleared and I had resigned to my fate of just walking home to eat, I saw a car flashing it's hazard lights at the intersection of 43rd St and Park. The driver and riders were clearly panicked, so I walked over to see if I could help.
The teens (or early 20s; two scantily-clad women, one guy who seemed like he was dressed for work) said that the car had just quit on them and they didn't know what to do. The driver got out, and I put the car in "Neutral", and then the male passenger and I pushed it through the intersection and into a parking space at the Hess over there. The boy walked away to Sonny's right away, while the girls asked me if I knew why the car did that, but I didn't, because I'm not all that good with cars. I gave them Gospel tracts and walked away as soon as possible to clear my eyes, and I prayed for them. I knew that this was a divine appointment, and I had to force myself to be thankful. Truly, if I hadn't been coming from that direction, if I had not applied at the temp office, if I had not missed the bus, I would not have been there when the car went out, and I could not have handed them the Gospel tracts with the same impact. But I was bummed that the Lord wasn't doing this with the money I need to cover my expenses for this month.
But the day wasn't over, and I landed two more appointments (one for tomorrow was set last week, and I have a "carry back" from two weeks ago). The month isn't over, either, so I'm definitely panicking unnecessarily. And there is other help available--I don't like to avail myself of other help if I don't have to, but I think this is part of God's humbling process in my life. And He knows I need it...